dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
