I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
