The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
