I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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