Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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