Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize