at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
