we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
