we have officially lost it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize