Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
