She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
