If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
