he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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