It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
