Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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