it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
