my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Vodka?
Forever.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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