I must be too annoying 4 u.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
