His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
