Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
