mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
