Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I looked at my own cervix.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She even gives head with a lisp.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
