took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
