Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
