I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
