i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
