Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
