I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
