How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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