Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
