im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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