I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
