haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize