bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Randomize