The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
please come you make the beer taste better
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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