So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
