Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You made out with two different species that night
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i think im in europe. pls send help
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