my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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