pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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