Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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