Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
