i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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