Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
