hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
