Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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