the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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