i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Randomize