so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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