part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
