so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize