I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
