he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
