you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
