We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
