your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
