Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
sex in a hospital.. check
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
