Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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