Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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