just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
