i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize