I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The Olympian is in my bed
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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