Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Boobs speak an international language.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize