i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
