Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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