I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
