I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
