They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
