I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
