I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
