I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
