So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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