Just cropdusted the office
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
